“It is strange that sword and words have the same letters, even more, strange is that they have the same effect if not handled properly” –Anonymous
As parents, you love to see your kids grow up in the right way, with the right manners and the right behaviour. Our children learn their first lessons in life from us. We as parents are their first gurus. We aim at teaching our kids everything. And to make them the best version of themselves, we have to correct them when they make mistakes. Usually, parents do it by pointing out their errors, to make them realise that what they did is wrong and how they need to improve on it.
But, have you ever realised that it might bring out a negative side to it?
We want our children to listen to our advice, and accept them wholeheartedly. But that’s not the case all the time. Children, especially teens, tend to act out when challenged and do exactly the opposite, to fulfill their whims and fancies. They don’t listen to what you say or maybe don’t even follow your instructions.
This situation definitely irks you. Isn’t it? So, what would you do in such situations? Shout at them or get angry? That’s the normal reaction…
But, is that the right thing to do? Well, it isn’t. Your frustration comes from the improper dealings. In anger, it is very easy to lash out. Because, when your ego gets hurt, your emotions are vulnerable. This is a result of the poor communication with the other person, and in this case they are our children. It may happen that your body language, certain actions or words may hurt our child’s sentiments.
Now if you think that in this case should we always speak about things that don’t upset the other person and be nice irrespective of the situation? That also does not seem right, because life will become calculative for you then instead of being natural.
Yes, you might be wondering if avoiding a confrontation is the key, or being nice to your children all the time would help. It is not. Because it will set a wrong standard and your kids will not respect your authority. So, what to do in such scenarios?
Investing in Appreciation!
Yes, choosing the right words is important, but it is more important to invest in appreciation. Just like in any bank you invest money before withdrawal. Similarly, it is important to invest appreciation and love in someone before you help them become better humans. When you speak to your child in anger, the child feels demotivated and thus, it is important that you make them understand that whatever you are saying is for their benefit.
If this is communicated without lashing out at the child it seeps into their mind faster, and the child looks up to you as their guide.
Appreciation Before Correction
Appreciating your child, showing them support from a young age builds a strong bond of trust between you and your child. This way, when the time comes to give them feedback or to correct them, they will respect your opinion and guidance. This art of appreciation will build a healthy lifestyle with your child. Open and happy communication can do wonders to strengthen a bond.
A conversation layered with love and appreciation sets up the child for a positive interaction with you. But anger and frustration will only reverse the action, causing them to ignore your attempts at guidance and rather lash out at you too.
Invest in spending quality time with your child. It is the stepping stone to building a loving relationship with your child, and an important part of investing in appreciation. There is no substitute for spending quality time. Quality time helps your child open up to you. They become confident in the fact that they can share everything with you, and can seek solutions for anything and everything. They will make you their confidante and will feel secure talking to you.
So, what are you waiting for? Go and invest some more time, love and most importantly appreciation and keep looking for the amazing return you will get, with more than double interest!
We at We Positive Parenting love to hear your thoughts, ideas and opinions on parenting and how you love to grow more and improve as a parent. Say hello to us on firstname.lastname@example.org
Be Happy, Be positive, We positive.